We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
