I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
