He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
