were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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