just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
