you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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