just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
