So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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