wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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