It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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