I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ruined the universe
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
