1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
