this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
