sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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