you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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