You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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