the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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