if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
