i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
