Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so explain again why im purple
no
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
