even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
