her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
