I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
