I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
