standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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