Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
