she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
