Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
