Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
