You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
