There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i now understand why vodka
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
