It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
