SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
