I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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