I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
