Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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