NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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