yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
