between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
zippers are such a cool invention
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
