So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
