It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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