I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
