wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
