Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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