She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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