drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
