that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
