from now on my penis is your penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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