They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
