I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
