i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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