Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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