She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
