wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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