What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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