Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
