i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
