im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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