But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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