I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize