Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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