my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Houston, we have a blender
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
