They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
