I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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